Pam Gross - Breast Cancer Survivor

Hi, my name is Pam. I am 46 year old and a three almost four year survivor. For most of my life the word cancer was an abstraction to me. It was something that happened to other unfortunate people and not to my self or my friends and family. I did have one friend who died very young from colon cancer at the age of thirty and left behind four children but she lived far from me and so even that was sad for me but still did not touch me in the same way as it would have if I had close to her. I have large dense breasts but truthfully it did not bother me greatly because I did not come from a "cancer family".

When I was thirty seven in 1999, my gynocologist felt a large lump in my breast and had me get a baseline mammogram just in case. I was negative but "uncomfortable". You would think that the agony of going through that would have made me more diligent but it did not. When I hit forty I was told that it was time to start doing a mammogram yearly. I gave lip service to the idea but I did not do so. I told my doctor that I would make an appointment but did not. Another year went by and the same happened. It wasn't that I did not want to it is just that well it took time out of my busy life and it was uncomfortable and I did not come from a "cancer family" anyhow so I would do it when I had time but of course I never did. Finally I was now 42 years old and still only had my baseline mammogram. I had another appointment for a pap smear and again my doctor said "It is time for a mammogram." Again I was going to promise but of course it likely would have been the same but this time the doctor said to the nurse "Go call Radiology Regional and make her an appointment before she leaves." I did not argue because I knew that he was right so she made me an appointment and a few weeks later I went.

When I got there they told me that I had not been there since 1999 and it was now 2004 if I had to guess I would have thought that it had only been a few years but hey at least I was there or so I thought. They took mammogram shots of both breasts and I thought to myself that it was over and done for another year or two but then they told me to stay. I waited for what seemed to be an eternity suddenly I wondered whether I waited too long and should have listened. I prayed to God that it would be alright but luck was not on my side. After another few shots they told me to come back for an ultrasound in 10 days. I did and once more I was put through the emotional ringer each time I comforted myself by the fact that I did not come from a "Cancer family". After the ultrasound the Korean doctor said to me "I spoke to your doctor and he say that you should get a biopsy you can or you can't it up to you. I said to him with alarm "What do you recommend?" He replied "I recommend you do but you don't have to." I was in tears but I said "If you recommend I do then I will." I made that appointment this time my husband came. My husband, a physician kept saying "Don't worry chances are that it is nothing." By then of course my whole feeling had changed. I knew that I had it and I was convinced that it was too far gone to do anything about because I waited so long to get a mammogram. I knew that they were lying to me because the whole time everyone told me that they were just doing it as a precaution especially because I was a doctor's wife. But I had to blame myself it felt like I had some control if it were true ironically. Well ten days later I had a needle biopsy and this time I did not want to wait another week for the results to come in. My husband volunteered to call the Pathologist and have him look at it ASAP. I had the biopsy late on a Friday, on Monday he called the Pathologist who promised him to have the results back by the end of the day. Around noon I left work, (I work in his office) to meet a friend for lunch. I passed my husband Michael on the stairs. At 12:05 he called me and told me the news that I had stage 1 breast cancer and that I was already scheduled to meet my surgeon the next day and that they would have it out as soon as possible. That Friday I had a lumpectomy and before I knew it I had radiation as well. It was a whirlwind and until I saw my lab report giving the size I was convinced that I was dying.

It has been three years almost four and there is almost never a day that I am not reminded of what I went through. The cancer has not returned and I hope that it never does. One benefit has been that it has made me a more caring, more aware person so if there is someone that I know who has the disease of cancer. I am there for them so that they do not have to be like me and I have told this story my story to others like me to remind them that Cancer does not care whether or not you are young or old, black or white, male or female or whether or not you come from a "cancer family" It can strike at any one at any time and will and we all must keep an eye on ourselves and take care of ourselves and others so that we can live from this diagnosis. It is not a death sentence to have cancer but it is a call from our bodies to take care of ourselves and others.

Best Wishes - Pam

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